One more day.

Its hard to pinpoint the exact moment you grow up.


For me the growing up process has been a series of events stretched over my entire lifetime.


I was always the child that had to do EVERYTHING the hard way. Even if I knew what the "easy way" was, I'd still do it the hard way. Why, because if my mother wanted me to do something one way, I would deliberately do it the other way just to destroy her peace of mind.

Grow up moment example 1: 3 broken arms in 18 months....I had to do EVERYTHING the hard way.

As a "young adult" I had an enormous chip on my shoulder. My S.H.I.T did not stink. I was King (Queen) crap of turd island. I spoke very nasty to people.


Grow up moment example 2: My mom and I went to the Rockwood Burger King for dinner one night when I was about 12. I of course said something nasty to her in the line, and the gal working the cash register heard what I said, and said to me, "If I would have talked to my mom the way you are talking to your mom, I'd have a fat lip." I have never forgotten that and it has had an enormous effect on me.

Skipping forward to my 20's. I had a live hard kind of attitude. I did everything. If I had a problem, I ignored it. Sometimes the problem went away. Sometimes it did not. When it did not, I called my father. The great fixer of problems. The righter of wrongs, the payer of bills etc.

I always promised I would change. That I wouldn't be such a screw up. I would change.

I did change. Oh did I change, I changed my name.



Grow up moment example 3: I married a man I knew 28 days. Basically I ran away to Reno and married a stranger! I don't recommend this. I was lucky. I found a diamond in the rough. He is a wonderful man, and I love him more and more every day.

This could have turned out really really bad. I don't want to even think how bad this could have been. This could have hurt much more than just me.

At this point I recall really knowing what I did no matter what it was, had consequences.

#1 and #2 really had a new meaning to me at this point also.

There were a few other little life lessons that have hit me from time to time that I wont mention, I will just say I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.



I had another grow up moment tonight.



I got a phone call from a person that I consider family. This person is facing some serious business. It is NOT good and I feel so badly for this person and this persons family. This will be a life changing event for them and they will never forget this. This impact this will have on their family is huge.

I want so badly to help. With every fiber of my being I want to help. There is of course nothing I can do but be a friend and be there for the family, and support them as best I can.



The lesson learned is this. I have grown up. I realized tonight what it was to be my dad. Why he was the great fixer of things. Why he always fixed things. And now why he hates it that I won't let him fix things.

I called him after speaking to my friend. He is always the voice of reason, and he most always has good advice. I needed to hear from him that this would be OK. I can hear in his voice real and true concern. He is also saddened by this situation. I can hear in his voice another thing to. He wants to help. He wants so badly to do what he used to do for me...fix things. He hasn't felt useful since his diagnosis and the hope I heard in his voice tonight was defining.

I am hoping that this is a come to jesus moment for my friend. I hope they learn (just as I had to) the life fast and ignore your problems until they go away route is NOT the good one. It may look like the easiest road, it is. Until you find your pot hole. They are so deep that without help and the willingness to face your problems you will never get out. I hope that they can face this.

Part of my journey in this is I need to learn to let people help themselves. I can offer support and compassion, but I am not the one that has to do the work. I need to learn that by helping I am not helping. I am just throwing more dirt in on them.
Today I am grown up by 1 more day.
I also know why my parents were always so damn tired.

Tonight I ate something so good. I had been craving it ALL day. (sounds sexy right. get your mind out of the gutter.)

You know you are getting close to your monthly curse when you make a crispy bacon, mayo and provolone sandwich. And add a side of flavor blasted goldfish, a diet root beer and 1/2 a carton of Ben and Jerry's Phish food.

The gas....the gas will come, but I will have had a bacon sandwich and thats not a bad thing.