You're so vain....I bet you think this blog is about you.

Therapy, its a wonderful thing.


I am really coming into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want, I am learning how to get it, and it is reinforcing lessons learned as a child.


Therapy is helping me see things in a simple way.


Simply put, life is about boundaries.


Regardless of when you establish them, they are yours. You and only you have to be comfortable with them.


You can have different boundaries for different people.


For example, most people have a set for their spouse/partner, a set for your children (if you have them), a set for family members, a set for work, a set for friends, and a set for acquaintances.


It is perfectly acceptable to have multiple boundaries and even boundaries within boundaries.



Some of my boundaries are as follows.



You don't call me on Sundays. I wont answer.

Don't text me during a race. I wont respond.

DO NOT attack me or my family. The result will not be pretty.

DO NOT talk about friends spouses to me. Their dynamic is their dynamic and I have nothing to do with it. What works in their home may not work in yours and you need to accept that.

DO NOT ever in my presence emasculate your spouse/partner. UN COOL!

I will not change who I am to please others and satisfy their own insecurities.

I will not change who I am period unless I want to.

Do not tell me that volunteering at the school and being an active member of my children's lives is less important that time with friends. In my world it is not.

Never ever ever ever attack my spouse. EVER. I can say he is a butt head sometimes. You may never say that.

Treat me with respect

Be honest with me. Even if you are afraid to be. Honesty is always the best policy and I will cease to respect you for even 1 lie.

Do not use guilt with me.

I will not use guilt with others.

If you have wronged someone apologize.

And the most important,
To have a friend you must be a friend.
You can not demand friendship from someone, you can not have unrealistic expectations of a friend and you must above all, accept your friend for who they are, warts and all.

These are just some of the many boundaries that I have adopted through therapy.

I am a much happier person lately. I have cut and will continue to cut drama out of my life.

I am happy to have my blog where I can express my feelings and desires in a safe and secure place away from ridicule and petty girl drama.

If you don't like my blog or what I say in it, you must remember it is not for you.
It is a window into me that I allow you to look through. Nothing more. If you feel slighted because people you may or may not know are mentioned and you are not, you must remember I don't write this for you. I write for me. Any slight you may feel is your own hang up and I will not be held responsible for your insecurities.

Yes, I am so vain, and I do think that this blog is about me.

Here it is folks

Desmoplastic Melanoma.

That's what the biopsy says. Don't know if it is in lymphatic system yet.
Consultation tomorrow, tissue test some time in September.

Going out for an expensive dinner tonight because I deserve it!
I will study and think about this tomorrow.

As if Parkinsons wasn't enough

As if Parkinsons wasn't enough, we found out today that dad has cancer.
FUCK!

Good BYE N.F.L

With the re-reinstatement of the convicted animal abuser Michael Vic, thus ends my viewership of any NFL event or sponsored event.

I am disgusted that the NFL would allow this monster to represent them.
As long as they choose condone his activities and allow him to play, I am choosing to not watch ANY NFL games.
I am also choosing to not support any of their sponsors that choose to buy airtime during any Philadelphia Eagles games.

This takes alot of pressure off of me. Now, I don't have to flip between Nascar races and Football games.
I am glad that MY sport Nascar has the longest season in sports.
I enjoy watching football, but will be doing so at the College level from now on.
At least when the Superbowl comes around (a game that I will NOT be watching) I know that I have only 1 week to the Daytona 500!! (and only 4 days until the twin duels)

Superman

FYI, KC is superman.
I love him more and more everyday.
I see friends divorcing, breaking up, hating each other.
It makes me remember WHY I love KC.
I remember why it was worth it to run to Reno to get married.
I remember why after 28 days he's the one.
No matter what happens in my life I know 1 thing. He will always be there, and for that I am eternally grateful.

One more day.

Its hard to pinpoint the exact moment you grow up.


For me the growing up process has been a series of events stretched over my entire lifetime.


I was always the child that had to do EVERYTHING the hard way. Even if I knew what the "easy way" was, I'd still do it the hard way. Why, because if my mother wanted me to do something one way, I would deliberately do it the other way just to destroy her peace of mind.

Grow up moment example 1: 3 broken arms in 18 months....I had to do EVERYTHING the hard way.

As a "young adult" I had an enormous chip on my shoulder. My S.H.I.T did not stink. I was King (Queen) crap of turd island. I spoke very nasty to people.


Grow up moment example 2: My mom and I went to the Rockwood Burger King for dinner one night when I was about 12. I of course said something nasty to her in the line, and the gal working the cash register heard what I said, and said to me, "If I would have talked to my mom the way you are talking to your mom, I'd have a fat lip." I have never forgotten that and it has had an enormous effect on me.

Skipping forward to my 20's. I had a live hard kind of attitude. I did everything. If I had a problem, I ignored it. Sometimes the problem went away. Sometimes it did not. When it did not, I called my father. The great fixer of problems. The righter of wrongs, the payer of bills etc.

I always promised I would change. That I wouldn't be such a screw up. I would change.

I did change. Oh did I change, I changed my name.



Grow up moment example 3: I married a man I knew 28 days. Basically I ran away to Reno and married a stranger! I don't recommend this. I was lucky. I found a diamond in the rough. He is a wonderful man, and I love him more and more every day.

This could have turned out really really bad. I don't want to even think how bad this could have been. This could have hurt much more than just me.

At this point I recall really knowing what I did no matter what it was, had consequences.

#1 and #2 really had a new meaning to me at this point also.

There were a few other little life lessons that have hit me from time to time that I wont mention, I will just say I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.



I had another grow up moment tonight.



I got a phone call from a person that I consider family. This person is facing some serious business. It is NOT good and I feel so badly for this person and this persons family. This will be a life changing event for them and they will never forget this. This impact this will have on their family is huge.

I want so badly to help. With every fiber of my being I want to help. There is of course nothing I can do but be a friend and be there for the family, and support them as best I can.



The lesson learned is this. I have grown up. I realized tonight what it was to be my dad. Why he was the great fixer of things. Why he always fixed things. And now why he hates it that I won't let him fix things.

I called him after speaking to my friend. He is always the voice of reason, and he most always has good advice. I needed to hear from him that this would be OK. I can hear in his voice real and true concern. He is also saddened by this situation. I can hear in his voice another thing to. He wants to help. He wants so badly to do what he used to do for me...fix things. He hasn't felt useful since his diagnosis and the hope I heard in his voice tonight was defining.

I am hoping that this is a come to jesus moment for my friend. I hope they learn (just as I had to) the life fast and ignore your problems until they go away route is NOT the good one. It may look like the easiest road, it is. Until you find your pot hole. They are so deep that without help and the willingness to face your problems you will never get out. I hope that they can face this.

Part of my journey in this is I need to learn to let people help themselves. I can offer support and compassion, but I am not the one that has to do the work. I need to learn that by helping I am not helping. I am just throwing more dirt in on them.
Today I am grown up by 1 more day.
I also know why my parents were always so damn tired.

Tonight I ate something so good. I had been craving it ALL day. (sounds sexy right. get your mind out of the gutter.)

You know you are getting close to your monthly curse when you make a crispy bacon, mayo and provolone sandwich. And add a side of flavor blasted goldfish, a diet root beer and 1/2 a carton of Ben and Jerry's Phish food.

The gas....the gas will come, but I will have had a bacon sandwich and thats not a bad thing.