This is my favorite poem and about sums up my feelings right now.

"I'm Fine thank you"

There is nothing the matter with me
I'm as healthy as I can be.
I have arthritis in both my knees
and when I talk I talk with a wheeze.

My pulse is weak and my blood is thin
but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Arch supports for both of my feet
or I wouldn't be able to be on the street.

Sleep is denied me night after night
but I find in the morning that I'm all right.
My memory is failing and my heads a spin
but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

The moral is this as my tale I unfold
that for you and me who are growing old,
It's better to say "I'm fine" with a grin
than to let folks know the shape we are in.

How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well my "get up and go" just got up and went.
But I really don't mind when I think with a grin
of all the grand places my "get up" has been.

Old age is golden, I've heard it said;
but sometimes I wonder as I get into bed.
With my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup
my eyes on the table until I wake up.

Ere sleep over takes me, I say to myself,
"is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?"
When I was young my slippers were red,
I could kick up my heels over my head.

When I was older my slippers were blue
but I could still dance the whole night through.
but now that I'm old my slippers are black,
I walk to the store and puff my way back.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits
I pick up the paper and check the obits.
If my name is still missing, I know I'm not dead
so I fix me some breakfast and go back to bed.

Author Unknown.

Seriously, I'm just kidding.: The beauty of roller derby

Seriously, I'm just kidding.: The beauty of roller derby

The beauty of roller derby

Roller derby. I remember watching it with my mom as a kid. She would let me stay up way past my bed time and we'd watch just us.
Now I'm a mom and I have the pleasure of watching derby live with MY daughter.
For those of you who have never seen a bout, you have a chance. Get your self some tickets at www.rosecityrollers.com and come to the bout June 19Th 2010 at the Portland Oregon Expo center. You are guaranteed to have a fantastic night full of hard hitting nail biting action.
As a child I didn't see the beauty in derby that I see now as an adult.
I see roller derby as a very intricate ballet. The Jammer (prima ballerina) moves gracefully through the pack, avoiding the blockers (dance company) all the while staying on her feet, revving up the crowd and scoring points with the help of her team.
Roller derby is a very physical sport, but it is more than the physicality of hitting, bumping and body checking.
It's about stamina, strategy, skill, humor, self worth, respect, sisterhood, grace, beauty and empowerment.
I have enjoyed he opportunity to share roller derby with my daughter who is now hard core into derby. She LOVES being Sidelines Sarah the pint sized mascot for the most bitchin team in derby GNR! She wants skates. She wants a name for when she skates. She is counting down the days until she is a Rosebud. She has decided whether they want her or not, when she is 18 she WILL be a GNR. She has her favorite skaters and will NOT tolerate anyone talking poorly about them and will go toe to toe with you to convince you to like her favorite skaters. Her favorites are Cher the Pain because "She is awesome and I love her." Smack Ya Sideways because "she's really nice and she looks like she is floating when she skates." Cadillac "because she is really fast" and Blood Clottia "because she scores the most points" Each of these skaters have different styles to their skating but they have 1 thing in common that Sarah says is most important "they are all so so nice and I think they like me."
It makes her night when after a bout the ladies tell her that they couldn't have done it without her. Roller derby has increased her self esteem 10 fold and is showing her you can be a strong athlete and still be graceful, kind and great roll model for a young girl who idolizes them.
These ladies embody what being a woman should be about. As a fan I see all of this. I see the determination in their faces, the UN spoken fierce loyalty these ladies show each other. An not just the loyalty to their team. They are loyal to each other and support each other team mate or not. All of this is what I am trying to instill in my daughter.
Although they skate on different teams and rivalries are strong, these ladies are more than just GNR, Heartless Heathers, Break Neck Betties and High Rollers. They are the Rose City Rollers and they are some of the most amazing women I have had the pleasure of meeting.
Because of this I am a proud derby volunteer, supporter and hopefully one day a proud derby mom.

And so it's come to this.

So, I went to Mecca today. (For me Mecca is Nordstrom.)
I went there for the sole purpose of purchasing post surgery foundation garments.
So after getting said garments, I thought why don't I just nip over to Point of View and see if they have anything I cant live without. Basically I was looking for 1 thing. My favorite brand of casual T shirt SLEDGE.
For those of you not in the know.....Nordstrom has their clothes in departments based on age. (whether they choose to admit it or not. Really go there, and look for your self) Point of View is mainly for the 30 to 40 something trendy-ish suburbanite. So I'm meandering around looking, and since I am not able to find what I am looking for and I am NOT A MAN, I ask the nice perky sales lady. ME "I don't see any of your sledge shirts....is Nordstrom no longer carrying them?" Miss Perky "Well, we do carry them, but they are no longer in this department." "oh" I say "are they down stairs?" Miss P "oh no......they are over there." As she casually points to the Narrative department.
My heart sank, and I got a knot in my stomach......She couldn't possibly have said Narrative. But she had.
So, with my head down and a lot less spirit, I sucked it up and went over, crossing the invisible line between youth and not so youthful.
Here is where the temperature dropped about 20 degrees. Maybe they could smell my fear, or it was the loathing that I had for having to shop the more mature section I don't know BUT....
Have you ever had the feeling that you were being watched? The kind of watched where the room falls silent when you walk in and EVERYONE is staring at you? Almost like you are a box of chocolates and you have just been dropped into a weight watchers meeting for post menopausal 50 to 60 ish women? I kid you not. I have NEVER felt more uncomfortable in my life. I did NOT feel like I belonged there. No perky sales ladies came over to see if I was finding what I needed, because what I needed was to not be in that department. I clearly wasn't welcome on "their turf" and although I wasn't asked to leave and go back to my people and quit breaking away from the herd, it is the impression that I got.
So no purchase made, I left feeling the cold slap of rejection I have rejoined my people. The people who accept me for being young and don't eye me because of it.
I guess I will just have to wait for Sledge to hit Nordstrom Rack where young and old can shop in peace harmony and bliss. A fashion preserve for young and old shoppers if you will........

Bucket List....To be added to and changed as I grow and change

As of 4/11/10 these are the things I want to do before the bucket is kicked.

I want to meet the President of the United States
I want to see marriage legal for EVERYONE
I want to meet Kasey Kahne, Richard Petty, Darrel Waltrip and Michael Waltrip
I want to volunteer for a week at the victory junction camp
I want to do the Kyle Petty Ride (for the victory junction camp)
I want to watch a session of congress LIVE
I want to walk each and every step of the Eiffel Tower.
I want to tour Ireland with Kate when I turn 40
I want to do the Richard Petty driving experience as a driver and a rider
I want to see the sun set in Greece
I want to work with horses
I want to just skate with a Roller derby team. (not compete, just skate for fun with them)
I want to help a mare give birth
I want to hike from Gold Beach to Paradise lodge
I want to do a zip line a very high and long one
I want my picture taken next to the "thinker" in the thinker position
I want to see the Andes mountains
I want to see Aztec, Incan, and Mayan ruins
I want to swim with dolphins and touch them
I want to learn to can my own food
I want to learn to knit
I want to see the forbidden city
I want to go to all the places my dad saw when he was in Vietnam
I want to make my own cheese and wine
I want to spend 2 weeks in Washington DC learning about MY country
I want to honor my Jewish friend and visit a concentration camp and leave a memento in her name.
I want to ride with the gaucho's in Argentina
I want the courage to touch a cobra
I want to see my children marry who they choose to marry
I want to see my children go to college
I want to go to New York City and see as many plays/musicals in 5 days
I want to stand as close as I can to Haleakala
I want to build houses with habitat for humanity
I want to go to Morocco
I want to visit Egypt
I want to touch a tiger
I want to sleep in a hut over the Caribbean sea
I want to eat at mid evil times restaurant
I want to interview Dean Koontz and Stephen Hawking
I want to talk with Rachel Maddow
I want to dance with Nathan Fillion
Id like a walk on role in Dr. Horrible 2
I want to sing a duet with Sarah Brightman
I want to see a cure for Cancer, Parkinson's and Aids
I want to drive a Ferrari
I would like to be financially able to assist the family of an injured soldier
I want to see outer space from a really big fancy telescope at a NASA facility
I want to see the space shuttle take off in person
I want to throw tea into Boston harbor
I want to eat at a chef's table in a fancy kitchen
I want my hair cut an colored by a famous stylist
I want to walk a red carpet for a movie premier
I want to fly a helicopter
I want to complete college
I want to work as a groom at a horse facility
I want to wear a wedding dress and have the wedding I never had

Well this is just a jumping off point.

To my stalker.

Sorry to disappoint. This is not a "real" blog update. Everyone but the person stalking my facebook can come back next week for a nice post titled 50 reasons why sing along blogs are wonderful.

Now, for you my stalker. Leave me alone. Stop. Go away. Move on.
You lie. You manipulate the truth. You act the part of the victim. BooHoo
So heres one for you. Those who can, do. Those who can't whine to their husbands and have them fight their battles.

A bit of advice, when you apologize to someone it is best NOT to admit you feel superior to them. It tends to piss one off.

You're so vain....I bet you think this blog is about you.

Therapy, its a wonderful thing.


I am really coming into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want, I am learning how to get it, and it is reinforcing lessons learned as a child.


Therapy is helping me see things in a simple way.


Simply put, life is about boundaries.


Regardless of when you establish them, they are yours. You and only you have to be comfortable with them.


You can have different boundaries for different people.


For example, most people have a set for their spouse/partner, a set for your children (if you have them), a set for family members, a set for work, a set for friends, and a set for acquaintances.


It is perfectly acceptable to have multiple boundaries and even boundaries within boundaries.



Some of my boundaries are as follows.



You don't call me on Sundays. I wont answer.

Don't text me during a race. I wont respond.

DO NOT attack me or my family. The result will not be pretty.

DO NOT talk about friends spouses to me. Their dynamic is their dynamic and I have nothing to do with it. What works in their home may not work in yours and you need to accept that.

DO NOT ever in my presence emasculate your spouse/partner. UN COOL!

I will not change who I am to please others and satisfy their own insecurities.

I will not change who I am period unless I want to.

Do not tell me that volunteering at the school and being an active member of my children's lives is less important that time with friends. In my world it is not.

Never ever ever ever attack my spouse. EVER. I can say he is a butt head sometimes. You may never say that.

Treat me with respect

Be honest with me. Even if you are afraid to be. Honesty is always the best policy and I will cease to respect you for even 1 lie.

Do not use guilt with me.

I will not use guilt with others.

If you have wronged someone apologize.

And the most important,
To have a friend you must be a friend.
You can not demand friendship from someone, you can not have unrealistic expectations of a friend and you must above all, accept your friend for who they are, warts and all.

These are just some of the many boundaries that I have adopted through therapy.

I am a much happier person lately. I have cut and will continue to cut drama out of my life.

I am happy to have my blog where I can express my feelings and desires in a safe and secure place away from ridicule and petty girl drama.

If you don't like my blog or what I say in it, you must remember it is not for you.
It is a window into me that I allow you to look through. Nothing more. If you feel slighted because people you may or may not know are mentioned and you are not, you must remember I don't write this for you. I write for me. Any slight you may feel is your own hang up and I will not be held responsible for your insecurities.

Yes, I am so vain, and I do think that this blog is about me.